we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
