I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
