last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
