theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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