New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
