i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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