Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
