Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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