What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
