She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
