Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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