Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize