Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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