I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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