He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Panties = found
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
