Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
