Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
