i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
