But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
