Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
