My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
