If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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