You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
