There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
