as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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