thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
