was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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