someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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