Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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