I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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