I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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