I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This house was built for laser tag.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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