Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
