If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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