my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
