y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How external is "for external use only"?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i believe in u and ur pee
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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