dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
