Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
