you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she looked like the before picture.
He kissed a someone with a penis
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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