i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
