Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
