Duck Duck Cougar?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
