I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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