were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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