Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
