It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
