i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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