booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
