my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
