i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
