You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
