i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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