At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
