he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
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You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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