At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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