I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
where are you?
Hypothermia
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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