my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
