your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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