i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
