Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
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Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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