I CAN MOONWALK!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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