drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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